Psychiatric Help Alters Personality Traits!

...hopefully for the better.

Below is a link to a Yahoo! article about the effects of mental health treatment on personality traits. I always thought I would be a moody, morbid little goth girl until I got put on a cocktail of medicines and went through 3 or 4 therapists. Now, I am not morbid! I am a little moody, but nearly as much. Also, I am more sociable and I think having someone to talk to about my problems really helped with communication skills.

I am grateful for the recent psychological treatments such as the recovery and reintegration model for mental health treatment. I knew that it worked to alleviate my anxiety, but at least now there is a study that confirms this belief.

Here is the link:
http://news.yahoo.com/psychiatric-treatments-may-change-personality-135354106.html
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On a separate note, I read that last blog entry and I realized why I proof-read my entries prior to publishing them. It was definitely a twisted entry and not one I am proud of---yes, I have food issues, weight issues, body image issues, and abandonment issues. I am trying to work through them. The problem is that I am not seeing a therapist since I was transferred to the city's public mental health system and out of the intense out-patient treatment center. Sorry that you, the reader, have to keep reading about my food issues. I want to lose weight but I would prefer to do it healthily.

That being said, I have a history of self-harming behavior since the age of 12. I used to be a teenage cutter, then a pothead, then a binge eater, than a sexoholic, then back to binge eating. It seems like I can never find a balance inside. It is to the point where I  have no idea how I come across to the outside world. I feel desperate for love and attention but I flee after maybe 3 months of intimate relationships with friends or lovers. I can never separate the "bad" me who feels anger at what happened to me, guilt over hurting people emotionally, and shame about my past---from the "good" me who wants world peace, happy old people to sing and dance again, and little puppies to romp free across the globe.

I just wanted to say that I feel like I left that last blog entry with no positive ending. Maybe that one and the post about Dr. Katz's "why do males do violence" blog entry. Life doesn't always end with a positive ending, but I will try to at least have some positive order over this blog. ***I ate like 800 calories between the hours of 5 pm to 2 am, so no worries about my diet. Also, that guy I liked talked to me for about a half hour before he went offline. I have no idea how he feels about me. Plus, he is more than a few years younger than I am so I am totally insecure. All I know is that I am drawn to him and very lonely during this summer, which probably means I will wind up making some amateurish attempt to bed him....

Message From a Thick B$&* To Hate-Mongers Maligning My Body

Cruising on youtube for plus size models made me realize how far women need to go to get some basic respect for their thick sisters. On every video there were comments posted belittling the women, calling them fat, attempting to analyze their fat to muscle ratio, claiming they were going to die because of their extra 30 pounds....it just went on and on. What's worse, I know some of these people were women, angry and hate-mongering women who want to raise their self-esteem by destroying the confidence of other women they have deemed inferior.

The one thing that really drove me nuts was some comment where a person wrote that society shouldn't encourage plus-size women because it would just give "fat women the excuse to eat junk food." I've heard this argument all over the place: the fat-is-beautiful movement is mean to skinny women and you shouldn't encourage fat women because they'll think it's okay to eat whatever they want.

Here are some points to consider: $&@@! you.
Point 2: punishing someone who has not committed a crime is unethical and cruel.
Point 3: trying to control a person's life is cruel and violates their right to liberty
Point 4: the fat-is-beautiful movement is not cruel to skinny women. Nobody goes on national  television and talks about skinny women's unhealthy, potentially life-ending disease of anorexia and bulimia. Nobody calls anorexia an "epidemic", though it really is. On the other hand, fat women are constantly bombarded with messages on prime-time TV calling for an end to this "epidemic" of obesity. Furthermore, being fat doesn't doom a person to a quick death or serious heart problems, risks vary from person to person. Here is an article on msnbc that says that thin people are also at risk for heart disease, and that just because a person is thin it means nothing about the health of their internal organs. For example, Zena weighs 100 pounds and drinks shots every weekend, diets on a dangerously minimalist meal (one meal a day with a snack of a carrot with mustard) that is not purely vegetarian and fruits, and smokes cigarettes to keep her weight down. Tammy is 160 pounds, works out 3 times a week for 30 minutes, walks for an hour each day, is a strict vegetarian who gets lots of green vegetables, and is a moderate drinker and doesn't smoke at all. If you're going by the physical outer body, you're not only being a jackass you're also not thinking analytically.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18594089/ns/health-fitness/t/thin-people-can-be-fat-inside/

Point 5: Demeaning, degrading, devaluing, and destroying women and their self-esteem is either a sign that you're a chauvinist or a brainwashed female with a streak of self-hatred.
Point 6: You have no right to tell another person what is and what isn't beautiful. If you don't agree you can click away, you don't have to make derogatory comments about an already marginalized population who experience discrimination on a daily basis.
To reiterate my main point, #$%** you!


~message from a thick bitch.