4 pounds lost in 4 days; 50 more to go

4 days ago I weighed 172. This made me sad. Last semester I weighed 152. This semester I took 2 martial arts classes twice a week, for a total of 4 hours. Regardless of how much I exercised, I still gained 10 pounds on top of the 10 pounds I gained over winter break. That's a total of 20 pounds since November.

This isn't my first extreme weight gain or weight loss adventure. I have been plagued by my weight since the psychiatrists put me on Zyprexa, an anti-psychotic with massive weight gain as a common side effect. I only made it worse by not modifying my pre-Zyprexa diet of junk food. Before Zyprexa I could eat what I felt like but afterwards, I had to learn the hard way that my body craved more food than I needed and needed twice the exercise due to the chemical effects of the pills I took.

My first semester returning to University in 2011 I gained so much weight I was 194 at my fattest. By mid-2012 I weighed 151 pounds. I lost over 40 pounds in a year by eating less than 2000 calories a day, moderate exercise, a lot of walking, and a semi-vegetarian diet (some fish, some chicken, a lot of half and half).

Even now, I'm 24 pounds lighter than my worst weight. But that is equivalent to 50 pounds heavier than my weight at age 23: 118. Now, nearly thirty years old, I am fearful that I will go back to 194 pounds and that I'll never reach my goal of being 125-130 pounds.

I decided to really get serious. Yes, maybe it is because I have fallen behind in my computer programming class and I have a deep-seated insecurity about my grades to the point where body obsession is a preferred mode of escape, but whatever, I'm going to lose weight.

I started a 6:00 pm diet. By this I mean that I get to eat an entire meal after 6 pm. Why 6 pm? Because I tend to stress out at night and this is when I am at risk for binge eating and midnight snacking. I know nutritionists say that eating heavy foods at night makes you gain weight, but I have no self-control after 7 pm anyways, at least this way I may lose some weight by trimming down on my day-time calorie consumption.

Here's how I lost 4 pounds in 4 days

9 am: drink a Kellog's Special K protein shake (180 calories)
10:00-3:00 pm = classes on campus with only one hour break. Spend this one hour sipping on coffee (80 calories).
4:00 pm = getting hungry. Good thing I brought another Special K protein shake (180 calories)
5:00 pm = one last Americano from Starbucks with a lot of half and half and splenda (100 calories)
6:00 pm = time to feast. I am at 600 calories total for the day. I get to eat 600 calories for dinner, for a total of 1200 calories. This can be a moderate serving of pasta and maybe one slice of bread, a couple of home made tacos, a Subway sandwich, 2 slices of pizza, 1 jr cheeseburger from Wendys and 5 spicy chicken nuggets, or 2 tamales from the Mexican restaurant.

I did that for 4 days and I've lost 4 pounds. In fact, I think I ate like 1600 calories on one day and still lost a pound.

I am only doing this because I am in the obese range on the BMI. I would never suggest this 6 pm diet for anybody not in the obese range. For those who are in the obese range, I still wouldn't recommend this because it may be crash dieting and that is super dangerous. That being said, I want to lose weight. I will accept the fatigue, the headaches, the lethargy, the scattered concentration, and the stomach growling so long as I lose the weight.

I was going to delete this blog post right now, but I did promise to tell the truth on this blog, no matter how uncomfortable the truth might be. So here is the ugly truth---I am losing weight. I will live off Roma tomatoes, I will lose weight if I have to pump pure caffeine into my veins to keep myself from collapsing into a deep, hungry sleep, I will lose weight. I will.
HIGH WEIGHT= 194
CURRENT WEIGHT=168
GOAL WEIGHT=130
If I can't succeed in graduate school at least I'll leave a size 8.

Return of the Love Handles

I finally jumped on the bathroom scale. My worst fear came true. Despite two hours of martial arts practice twice a week, I have somehow gained 6 more pounds. I think this might be because I am so famished after stumbling out of the two hour ordeal that I rush towards the student union’s food court and stuff myself with junk food.

Currently, I am 15 pounds heavier than I was last semester.  I was 152 in the fall. Now my fat is really making me hate my body. I train hard during class and I keep up a routine of kickboxing over the weekend, but to no avail. I am the heaviest I have been in two years. Every time I get a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a car window or in the mirror, I think, oh no, what happened?

Drastic actions must be taken. I must eliminate fast food from my diet and vow to flee from the sight of chow mein bowls topped with delicious, tangy, juicy, orange chicken. I must yield to the blandness of salad and the repetition of roma tomato sandwiches with pesto sauce smeared on it instead of ranch.

I will lose this weight I’ve gained and then some. My shrink says that I should not feel guilty when I eat food, but I do. The sight of it sends me into delighted conniptions. After that, however, comes the moment when I realize I just lost some of my daily allotted calories.

I am eating two cut up roma tomatoes with a half inch cube of chevre smeared on top of the tomato to add some flavor. I dribbled some olive oil on it (not even half a tablespoon), and ground some black pepper all over in the hopes that I could somehow trick my body into thinking I was eating a double-decker hamburger with extra cheese and layers of chipotle sauce.  

Earlier today I had (surprise) a roma tomato sandwich with pesto sauce and cubes of fresh avocado. I love it, but I was fantasizing about a handsome, charming man or a pretty, charming woman, holding a tray of pizza slices drenched in full-fat ranch. Delicious, greasy, chewy, cheesy pizza—gulp.

Grad school is going well. I have nothing terribly important to say about the experience or the stress. It is stressful, but what is more stressful is that ominous black screen on my bathroom scale, staring at me from the corner of the room, haunting me and really pissing me off.

Yum. I think this might be my fourth tomato of the day. If only water came in fat-free, sugar-free chipotle, burger flavor. :)