Sunday, September 16, 2012

I am watching a documentary called "Jonas." The brother of a schizophrenic made a documentary about his brother's struggles with the illness. It is available on amazon dot com's instant video collection.

I recommend it not just because it is about a schizophrenic, but because it is an honest portrait of a human being struggling to overcome a major obstacle. I also liked the rhyming children's book idea that the title character, Jonas, wrote. He recites it at the beginning of the documentary.

Being a female paranoid schizo-affective myself, it is healing to see someone who is like me in some ways. His struggles were mine as well.

I am doing alright in graduate school. Nobody knows I have schizo-affective disorder. They think I am just a wild one; tattooed and a little eccentric. No, I don't resemble Lisbeth Salander. As much as I love her black Cyber-goth outfits I try not to stand out in a crowd. I do have tattoos, but I usually wear boring khakis and GAP shirts so I blend in with the campus crowds. People do not suspect I am a mental patient.

 I have been out of the hospital for 3 years now. For the last 3 years I have not heard voices, seen hallucinations, had major delusions, insomnia, or feelings of persecution. I have mostly stayed on my medication. I say mostly because here and there I would go a week without them for one reason or another (e.g. I couldn't get refills, or I forgot to take them). For the most part, I stick to my treatment plan. I check in with the psychiatrist, the social worker, and the therapist. I feel kind of like an adult ward of the state. My life is filled with people who tell me what to do---down to not spending money excessively (as I tend to do), not smoke marijuana, and they have even suggested to stop dating a guy on the basis that he didn't want to be in a committed relationship. I obey. I mean, look how far I got making crappy decisions on my own: not far. Look how far I got accepting advice and treatment from professionals: far.

I encourage people with mental health disorders to be open to others. Unless they want to cuff you to a bed---then I say call a lawyer. But if they seem to truly want you to function in society, listen to them. :)

Thanks for reading! More to come for this little public diary of mine.

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