Academia over the Work Force (or how I learned to eat ramen noodles for breakfast)

Our family moved to a new home after we were unceremoniously told to vacate the house we were renting so that it could be sold for a better profit margin than we were providing as tenants. I like this new home better, but with it comes the burden of paying for the elevated rent of a 3 bedroom house...and this makes me think of my future as an employee once I finish this graduate program at the University.


I am almost finished with my Master's program. I am half way through this semester and my grades are A's and 1 B. I need to pull off straight A's this semester, though, in order to raise my cumulative GPA so I can get off probation and graduate next semester. All things going according to my master plan, I will graduate in May, 2014. Or, I will be stuck at the University until December, 2014. I really do not like the way that sounds, as I need to find employment as soon as possible.

In fact, I need to find a job right now, having eaten through that student loan I took out (literally, I need to start packing a lunch and stop spending money at the campus Subway). I am used to working menial jobs, having held numerous minimum wage jobs before I returned to college at age 27 to complete my Bachelor's and start my Master's degree. I have no objection to delivering pizzas or cashiering again. I am not one to think that a college degree entitles me to a good career. I have a degree, but I must prioritize my life and having a neat title is less important than getting paid as soon as possible.

The economy makes me nervous, especially since part of my excuse for staying in school was to avoid the sluggish job market. Now, a year later, it doesn't look like the situation is more stable so I face the dilemma of either applying to a PhD program to escape again or plunging into the work force as another desperate, 30 year old wannabe.

I think that academia has become a secret hide-away for me ever since I turned 18. I found no freedom in the endless sweeping, mopping, and cleaning of my minimum wage jobs and the community college class was the only place where anyone really cared what came out of my mouth (or even encourage me to speak in the first place).

I have my own issues with academia--racial, class, and sexist mentalities that some professors cultivate privately and which a few of us are privy to, but overall at least I get my chance to speak through my essays...and the books! I cannot imagine my life without access to the University's massive library.

I will miss the academic setting--the campus teeming with bright-eyed freshmen, the campus clubs recruiting for new members, the interesting lectures in class, the Starbucks on campus, but alas, all things are impermanent.

I make it sound like my college years are behind me, but the truth is I still have 1.5 semesters to go. Until that time, I have an interview with a telemarketer tomorrow. I hate telemarketers. I never want to be a telemarketer, but then again, I have to pay for my kickboxing classes somehow!

Post script: On that note, I lost 5 pounds the past month doing kickboxing. I am still 171 pounds, which is actually a heavy weight for me, but at least that is down by 5 pounds this month...and I feel a great adrenaline and endorphin rush doing kickboxing. It is very fulfilling and challenging. My shins ache and I hobbled around all weekend on painful legs, but the weight loss and the post-exercise glow makes it all worth while.

Race, Class, and Academia

I just finished reading a little Yahoo! article on a White sorority that took time out of their busy schedule to dress up in Mexican-themed ponchos, sombreros, and took photos holding signs that said "will mow lawn for weed." I am guessing these girls are from upper-class and upper middle-class homes that have never had to actually work at menial labor jobs for a living. More likely, they probably feel superior to the Hispanics at their school, and in society at large.

It is classist to belittle the hard work of the struggling masses. Especially since, being pretty and socially groomed for success, these sorority girls will either find cushy jobs thrust at them or will marry into wealth and security. Not so for the people they emulated for a laugh.

It is racist to assume that all Mexicans cut grass, smoke grass, and are "fair game" to belittle and humiliate.

What really stung though was the comments people made about it being a) funny and b) "ridiculously PC." At one time, saying that racial slurs is "too PC" was common as well. Civility can be a bitch, can't it, elitists?

Here's the link, please read the comments by users and see the number of "thumbs up" that anonymous people gave them. It is just a small splash in what has become common place derogatory perceptions of the underclass.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/racist-sorority-party-photo-stirs-outrage-181258221.html

Confessions from a Healing Schizophrenic: Tips

I will be done with my degree June 8th. I am so, so close. I am enrolled in summer classes. These summer classes are to fulfill a general ed requirement. They are classes I had to take outside of my major. I have an A in one class and a B or an A in the other class. I got a vacation of a whole two days after the Spring semester. For your average college student this would very stressful. Yet I am doing well with my academics and my home life. For me, the key was having a mental health support network, a steady exercise routine, and a lot of coffee.

I know that due to budget cuts not a lot of people have the benefit of having a therapist or a psychiatrist, but there are ways to get support. I am in a county sponsored program due to my chronic illness of schizo-affective disorder. Therapy and medication are provided so long as I comply with treatment. A lot of counties provide low-income services. However, the wait time is very long. Still, if you are sick and untreated, you deserve medical care. It is in the United Nation's Declaration of Universal Human Rights, Article 25. Google "UN Declaration of Universal Human Rights" for the entire Declaration. 

If you attend college there are resources on campus. My University has a clinic with an attending physician, a small pharmacy, and a trained psychologist on staff. Part of your tuition goes towards paying for a bit of your services at the clinic, so go ask if the doctor can prescribe psychotropic medications.

With a good therapist and a good psychiatrist, a mental illness can be treated and most symptoms can go into remission. A therapist is important for me to discuss my struggle with being "Abnormal" in a "Normal" society. These are things I cannot discuss with my academic advisor or even a friend. A therapist provides positive feed-back and a balanced perspective. The psychiatrist provides the medications which allow me to think clearly without auditory hallucinations, persecution delusions, and panic attacks. Utilizing these people is essential for good mental health. Please don't try to sell me on the psychiatric versions of snake oil. Prayer is amazing but it never worked for me as a consistent anti-psychotic. Abilify worked for psychotic symptoms, vitamin B did not. 

Second, a steady exercise plan works well for improving mood and stabilizing health. It is well known that the biggest side effect of taking atypical anti-psychotics is massive weight gain. I should know. Up until around age 23-25 years my weight was, at my heaviest, 115 pounds. Post-anti-psychotic medications, I have "slimmed down" to 160 pounds. Did I engage in a decade of fast food eating, lazy tv watching, immobility? No. In fact, I did exercise for a 6 month period when I was 18, but for the most part, the bulk of my exercise routine has been recent, ever since I put on weight! I gained a startling 50 or more pounds in a matter of months once I went on Zyprexa. I did not know that by "exercise" my psychiatrist meant "what you do now for exercise is not even a fraction of what you will need to keep slim." Now, I have an exercise bike and a rowing machine that I use 3 times a week, plus hour long walks every day. I also walk to and from the bus stops. Lots of exercise. I might not look like a role model for fitness freaks, but at least I know my heart is healthy. I am also enrolling in a judo class this summer to keep myself active. Also, judo is amazing and teaches balance, coordination, discipline, and the ability to get up after getting flipped into the air and landing on your back. But I digress...

Lastly, coffee is necessary for all college students, but especially for those who have issues with morning time. I have never been able to get out of bed without feeling hopelessly sad, lethargic, and internally fearful of the outside world. The thought of a hot, Pete's brand coffee with half and half and splenda makes me wrestle with my mood disorder so I get out of bed faster. Just writing about coffee makes me want to run to my Bodum coffee press. I hope you also use a coffee press. It's thirty dollars on amazon and the coffee tastes much better than any home brewing machine. Yessss....coffee....I'll end here so I can get myself a coffee from the kitchen.

Thanks for reading! Stay healthy, think positive, and always remember that you deserve love!

Skizzie Lizzie Goes to Grad School

Dear online diary,
I have been conditionally accepted into the Master's program at my University. The only catch is that I must complete all my degree requirements by Fall of this year. I just need to pass the 5 classes I am taking right now and 2 short-term classes at the end of May. Then, poof! Diploma.

Once my BA is posted I will be eligible for fellowships and grants for Fall 2012. I have already registered for 200 series classes! I am so thrilled to have earned this opportunity and thankful that my former professors were willing to write such positive letters of recommendation.

I am so psyched but nervous at the same time. This is what I want, though. I have always valued education. Plus, I feel like I should prove society wrong about the mentally ill and do something productive with my life.

I went to a grad fair last semester. The fair was for undergraduates who were thinking about applying to grad school. I went, just because it was free. I learned a lot about how graduate school is rigorous, tough, and worth it. It seems like just yesterday I was daydreaming about being a grad student. Now that day is one and half months away.

Well, this is it. Skizzie Lizzie is accepted into a Master's program. Wish me luck!

My love/hate affair with Academia

I spent 4 months cultivating my grades to an A- average. I am carrying 16 units, over full-time, of upper-division courses. I tended to my homework and to my academics like a gardener tends to her roses and sunflowers. Everyday, homework, studies.

In one to two weeks my months of hard work has been undone. My grandfather was the closest thing I had to a father my whole life. He died right before Thanksgiving and since that time I have had a hard time concentrating and doing well in my classes. I bombed a quiz. I bombed the first draft of a paper. One would assume that since my grades were in the 90th percentile, I'd be alright. But no, weighted grades means that my top grades plummeted to a low B in one class, a C in 2 others. That academia is built this way; allowing a student who maintained an A for four months, only to take it away in a heartbeat, is a damn shame.

Then there's all the other issues. Students disregard my work because they think I'm getting it "easy" because I'm a minority. Just the other day, a student complained about his 78% score on his homework by saying that a fellow who happens to be Indonesian got an 86% on his homework that was "identical" and that the professor must be a reverse racist.
 That's funny, considering the professor is a White guy who made a racist remark himself about how Mexicans are "dishwashers." Being a Mexican myself (or Chicana, since I was born here in California), this stung. You're hated either way; either you're a lowly dishwasher or you're getting it easy because of your race.

Recently a professor falsely accused me of cheating, allegedly because she though a scribble on my answer sheet was a cheat sheet (it was just the exam question written on my paper so I wouldn't have to keep glancing up at the whiteboard). My thought, however, is that her action was far more nefarious. It was as if she were searching for a reason to destroy my academic potential---the only brown skinned girl in the class, of course, I had to have been cheating, right? Or maybe it was my tattoos that made her peg me as a deviant type. Whatever her motivation, I gritted my teeth and explained myself. I was polite even though I had been totally humiliated in front of my peers! She later sent out a mass email to our class apologizing for her behavior, but it was far, far too late.

These examples are just the tip of the ice burg when it comes to the ugly side of academia. Professors yell about how all their students are cheating, all of their students are being allowed in due to affirmative action, blah blah blah. Well, this is my side of the coin: my grades are better than the others, that's why I'm in college, not because of a long-since banned affirmative action program. My grades are better than quite a few students even now that they've dropped due to my grieving state, even though I feel like crying every day because I miss the only man in my life who was reliably good to me. I deserve to be in academia. I'm not leaving. Ridiculously weighted grades, insulting students, false accusations, plummeting grades and all----I'm willing to take this all because I told my grandfather on his deathbed that I would complete college and get a job, that he wouldn't have to worry about me because I would be doing alright.