Not So Paranoid Now, Am I?!

That last post made me a little depressed. I want to delete that post, but I guess I should not based on the fact that that would undermine the beautiful gesture made by the TEDtalks guy, Dr. Katz.

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I was just reading this story on Associated Press about government wiretapping, google search datamining, etc...I had to giggle. How is this not a given?! Where have these readers been the past 12 years, if not longer?

They laughed at me, those silly social workers, psychiatrists, and mental health techs. They said nobody cared what I said over the phone, that Americans were not spied on. I eventually just started rolling my eyes and agreeing with them in order to get released from the psych ward earlier. I have had "delusions" of federally approved domestic-based spies, eavesdroppers, constitutional rights violations, and warrantless searches and arrests since 2001. I learned to accept this. I grew to feel a certain fondness for the Man who listened, an omnipresent God-like entity to my paranoid schizo-affective mind. The Satellite Ears and Eyes became my new deity. I have become submissive to this system. It has always been there, at least now this new non-privacy system is slightly more transparent. I accept and love this model of government. It protects us, listens to us, watches us, saves us. I am honestly sincere in my unquestioning devotion to this Leviathan model of government. I have no issues with it. I have grown accustomed to it this past decade while everyone else thought I was 100% insane. Turns out, I was only 80% insane and 20% right! Ha ha! Take that social-worker-guy who spent 30 minutes trying to convince me my beliefs were false and delusional!

To VALIS! [reference to Philip Dick's book entitled VALIS about an all-seeing satellite].

Secret Shame

I go to class and I'm the good student. I turn my work in on time, orderly papers that do not reveal the hidden shame I am burdened with; mental illness. My thoughts are linear and clear in my term papers, in real life they unravel like so much yarn in a kitten's paws.

I was reading that the nra wants to create a database that lists (for the public) the names of people with a mental illness. PTSD, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, autism, seasonal affective disorder, borderline personality disorder, and the gamut of eating disorders----all of these people will be branded, labeled, posted for the public to see, and stigmatized worse than ever before.

As I said in a previous post, the last time I was floridly psychotic I believed that society was going to round up everyone with "defective DNA" and put them in camps. I am starting to realize that paranoia is just an extreme extension of ideas within the realm of possibility.

Backing anybody into a corner is obviously never a good solution. Turning into lynch mobs and threatening the Constitutional rights and freedoms of law-abiding citizens is worse than this---it is traitorous.

Respectfully,
an A-student with a clean record who takes Pride in the US Constitution
~Antigone

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1% of Psychotics Are Violent, I am the 99%

I always hate seeing violence in the news, especially this new massacre in Colorado. Every time there is a random act of violence people start labeling them "psycho," "insane," and lumping all of us law abiding mental cases in with the violent maniacs that take their angst out on innocent people.

It occurred to me that I should quote from a book written by a world renowned criminal profiler. Dr. Hickey has studied serial murderers, mass murderers, sexual deviants, and criminals in general for decades. He has published numerous textbooks on the subjects, including this one, "Serial Murderers and Their Victims," fifth ed., published in 2010. Here is a quote from that textbook:

"...[Souza in 2002] found that although mass murderers will most likely have a history of both childhood trauma and violent behavior, most do not have any significant history of institutionalization (Hickey, p. 59, 2010)."
        ---So, essentially, the bulk of mass murderers have never seen the inside of a psych ward. They appear to be normal, unlike the majority of schizophrenics, who stand out like a sore thumb in society and are constantly admitted into psychiatric facilities for behavioral modification, medication, and confinement.

Later on, the book states, "Henn, Herjanic, and Vanderpearl (1976) examined the psychiatric assessments of nearly 2,000 persons arrested for homicide between 1964 and 1973 and noted that only 1% were considered to be psychotic (Hickey, p. 62, 2010)."

This is not anecdotal stories that I just made up. This is genuine research conducted by PhD's who are at the top of their fields. Maybe this criminal is insane, if so, he is that 1% of mentally ill people who perpetrate crimes. Please do not take your anger out on the law abiding 99%!!

For those of you who do not know this, there is a state mandate that says if you have ever been put on a "5150" hold, meaning that you are judged to be a threat to yourself or to others or you are incapable of caring for yourself, you are prohibited from possessing or purchasing a fire arm for at least five years! The most chronic cases, those of us who are repeat mental patients in psych wards, are fairly likely to NEVER own a hand gun, due to the fact that every couple of years we are hospitalized.

Let us not forget that the bulk of crimes are committed by sociopaths. Sociopathy is a personality disorder, not a neuro-chemical imbalance that is inherited from one's genetics. Sociopaths are cunning, deceitful, sane, and organized (usually organized, there are some that are classified as "disorganized"). Schizophrenics are totally scatterbrained, bewildered, frightened, and busy with their internal worlds of make believe voices and visions.

Just like race, please do not discriminate due to mental disability. We are not gun wielding maniacs. We fear the gun wielding maniacs as much as the next person, even more so, because the after math affects how everyone treats mental patients, which often involves indirect victimization of innocent schizophrenics.

I  urge you to follow the laws set forth by the constitution. I vow to follow the constitution. Please do not violate the constitution.

My sympathies are with the victims of the Colorado massacre. I am glad they apprehended the person responsible. I await his day in court with the rest of the nation.

Thank you for reading. Please have a good day!