He is a Criminal First, Mentally Ill a Distant Second

I am a little bit in shock. The local community  newspaper decided to do a spread on "Mentally ill treatment in jails." Lo and behold, the man who sexually battered me while I was trying to sleep in my psychiatric room was being interviewed during his jail stay for a second sexually battery on a psychiatric patient. He was being pitied by the interviewer, who felt bad for him because he was in Atascadero Jail, a place for the criminally insane, and not receiving his lithium.

Let's get our facts straight, yellow journalists, he's a criminal first, a mental patient second.

Where in the DSM V manual does it say that "rape" and "sexual battery" are symptoms of bipolar disorder? I did not receive that memo. Why? Because nobody in psychiatry believes that bipolar = rapist. Unless you look in the section for "sociopaths" where lack of empathy, pleasure in others' pain, and violence are all symptoms of NOT PSYCHOSIS but of a SOCIOPATH!!! Triple exclamation point!!!

So, I had to endure reading 2 pages of embellished, pitying, second rate writing by college students and their yellow journalist professor who had all set out to make the world feel sorry for the criminals because they happened to also have bipolar disorder. This infuriates me deeply.

I did not get medication for a long period of years. I never sexually assaulted or physically harmed or threatened to hurt any human, despite my florid delusions. I coped with my fear, agitation, and anger through writing and drawing. The mental facilities turned me away, the outpatient centers said I was not sick enough, and all this until I literally slashed my wrist in the little psych admitting room. They were all busy treating raping, marauding sociopaths blaming their mental illness for their crimes to get out of jail.

I told you readers several times before, sociopaths blame "mental illness" because they prefer coed living situations with Seroquel zombie-fied catatonic depressive females who they can assault and get away with it over the all-male jail cells where they righteously belong.

Screw the criminally insane and their yellow journalist followers. If a law-abiding citizen has no access to medicine, why the hell should they get medicine?!?! I say, if they want to blame their mental illness for the crime, let them suffer their mental illness. Once they stop saying "it was because I have an illness" and start admitting it is really because they are raping perverts who have anger management issues and no empathy for their victims--- then they can have their medicine.

Growl. I am so mad right now. To make things worse, I volunteer for a group that is supposed to promote equality for the mentally ill, yet they are toting this article as a "godsend" which will help the mentally ill. *gasp. Apparently, they are not thinking about myself or the other woman who he apparently managed to rape completely (I managed to escape by kicking a lot, but with bruises).

Growl. What about the millions of people who are mentally ill but who OBEY the law? Now WE cannot come out of the closet because all anybody hears about is how the criminals don't get their psych meds and commit monstrous crimes because of it! I am sickened. Totally sickened.

Sickened. Thank God I am free from that evil mental hospital and I don't have to  put up with any rapists sneaking into my room and attacking me while I am asleep. I have to remind myself that I am safe now. I am sane now. I am a law-abiding citizen with free will who respects other law-abiding citizens. I am safe...I just have to keep saying that...I am safe...I am safe...that criminal is in a jail cell somewhere...and I am safe.

Anxious about Being Outed

If I suddenly stop blogging it is because I am afraid of being outed as a former mental patient. I try to deceive myself into believing that everyone around me thinks I am crazy due to my quirks and neurotic personality. However, nobody has tried to coral me into the back of an ambulance where a burly EMT and a stretcher with the restraints wait. I must not be as insane as I once was, because before the burly EMT came every year, at least twice.

I prefer calm, dull life to the adrenaline spikes of psychosis and the inevitable period of confinement that followed. I blog just as proof that a former mental patient can lead a calm, dull life just like most of you. I want to show you the inside of a person with real mental illness, the horror, the irony, the ups and the downs. Still, I would not want my professors, classmates, or future employers to know. I can hide safely behind this computer screen from all of you who are critical, but in real life I get enough of that without everybody knowing I am medicated to the gills. If people found out I would be tempted to move. I would leave for a far off place, preferably Sweden.

So, if one day you find that I have deleted this little blog, it is because I got nervous that I may be outed for being certifiable.

Just to cheer myself up, I will now talk about people I admire. Kay Redfield Jamison is a researcher, PhD, and writer. I admire her. Elyn R. Saks is a lawyer, writer, and activist. I admire her. John Nash is a mathematical genius and Noble Prize winner. I admire him. They're all bipolar or schizophrenic. Okay, that cheered me up.