Confessions from a Healing Schizophrenic: Tips

I will be done with my degree June 8th. I am so, so close. I am enrolled in summer classes. These summer classes are to fulfill a general ed requirement. They are classes I had to take outside of my major. I have an A in one class and a B or an A in the other class. I got a vacation of a whole two days after the Spring semester. For your average college student this would very stressful. Yet I am doing well with my academics and my home life. For me, the key was having a mental health support network, a steady exercise routine, and a lot of coffee.

I know that due to budget cuts not a lot of people have the benefit of having a therapist or a psychiatrist, but there are ways to get support. I am in a county sponsored program due to my chronic illness of schizo-affective disorder. Therapy and medication are provided so long as I comply with treatment. A lot of counties provide low-income services. However, the wait time is very long. Still, if you are sick and untreated, you deserve medical care. It is in the United Nation's Declaration of Universal Human Rights, Article 25. Google "UN Declaration of Universal Human Rights" for the entire Declaration. 

If you attend college there are resources on campus. My University has a clinic with an attending physician, a small pharmacy, and a trained psychologist on staff. Part of your tuition goes towards paying for a bit of your services at the clinic, so go ask if the doctor can prescribe psychotropic medications.

With a good therapist and a good psychiatrist, a mental illness can be treated and most symptoms can go into remission. A therapist is important for me to discuss my struggle with being "Abnormal" in a "Normal" society. These are things I cannot discuss with my academic advisor or even a friend. A therapist provides positive feed-back and a balanced perspective. The psychiatrist provides the medications which allow me to think clearly without auditory hallucinations, persecution delusions, and panic attacks. Utilizing these people is essential for good mental health. Please don't try to sell me on the psychiatric versions of snake oil. Prayer is amazing but it never worked for me as a consistent anti-psychotic. Abilify worked for psychotic symptoms, vitamin B did not. 

Second, a steady exercise plan works well for improving mood and stabilizing health. It is well known that the biggest side effect of taking atypical anti-psychotics is massive weight gain. I should know. Up until around age 23-25 years my weight was, at my heaviest, 115 pounds. Post-anti-psychotic medications, I have "slimmed down" to 160 pounds. Did I engage in a decade of fast food eating, lazy tv watching, immobility? No. In fact, I did exercise for a 6 month period when I was 18, but for the most part, the bulk of my exercise routine has been recent, ever since I put on weight! I gained a startling 50 or more pounds in a matter of months once I went on Zyprexa. I did not know that by "exercise" my psychiatrist meant "what you do now for exercise is not even a fraction of what you will need to keep slim." Now, I have an exercise bike and a rowing machine that I use 3 times a week, plus hour long walks every day. I also walk to and from the bus stops. Lots of exercise. I might not look like a role model for fitness freaks, but at least I know my heart is healthy. I am also enrolling in a judo class this summer to keep myself active. Also, judo is amazing and teaches balance, coordination, discipline, and the ability to get up after getting flipped into the air and landing on your back. But I digress...

Lastly, coffee is necessary for all college students, but especially for those who have issues with morning time. I have never been able to get out of bed without feeling hopelessly sad, lethargic, and internally fearful of the outside world. The thought of a hot, Pete's brand coffee with half and half and splenda makes me wrestle with my mood disorder so I get out of bed faster. Just writing about coffee makes me want to run to my Bodum coffee press. I hope you also use a coffee press. It's thirty dollars on amazon and the coffee tastes much better than any home brewing machine. Yessss....coffee....I'll end here so I can get myself a coffee from the kitchen.

Thanks for reading! Stay healthy, think positive, and always remember that you deserve love!

1.5 Years Ago:

Every day at 8 in the morning, the white van pulled up into my drive way and honked three times. That was my cue to run out and get in the van. Inside, was at least one other nutcase. Then the van ran around town collecting more mentally ill people and transporting them to an outpatient service center. Group therapy, individual therapy, cognitive behavioral technique group therapy, rehab training, even lunch, were provided. They told us how to stay sober (smell flowers or read a book), they told us how to think (do not have a self-defeating attitude), they told us about our illnesses (schizophrenia is caused by a brain chemical imbalance), and then they let us paint on cheap paper. These six months are a time that I will never disclose to anybody except those who somehow found out accidentally about my illness. People do not understand that a mentally ill person can be rehabilitated. They do not care. After you utter the word, “mental” they tune you out and start tiptoeing out the back door.

However, on paper, people are fascinated. They do want to read about this process, now that I am a safe distance away. Now that I cannot make them feel uncomfortable with my horror stories of how the inside of a mental asylum is like. I am Asylum Girl. Skizzie Lizzie. Admit it, you're a little curious.

Coming soon: More Normal Than the Normals: Lessons of the Asylum Girl

Why the State Pays For Part of My Education

I mentioned in previous posts that the Department of Rehabilitation covers the tuition of my public University which is not paid for through my Pell Grants, University Grants, and scholarships. It has occurred to me that some might think this is not fair. In a way, it is not. Education should be accessible to everybody. However, more people being barred from higher education does not make things more equal. More people being admitted and funded through their higher education makes things more equal. 

Still, you might wonder why my textbooks are paid for and yours are not. I have thus made this formula. Apologies, I am not a math major.

                                                     $$$DISB>$$COLLEGE

                                                      COLLEGE= [$$ of X]

                                                      .0725[$$ of X]=PRFT

where $ is equal to total cost, DISB is equal to disability benefits, COLLEGE is equal to college expenses, X is equal to the Person receiving services, .0725 is equal to the total state tax on all purchases, and PRFT is equal to total amount of profit.

Or here it is, but in words:

Annual cost of paying out disability plus health benefits to a mentally disabled person == a LOT $$$$

Annual cost of paying for tuition at a public University === NOT AS MUCH! $

Annual State profit from said mentally disabled person getting a steady job and paying taxes== $$$$ :)

Thus, the Department what tuition and textbook costs are not covered by the various grants and scholarships I receive is paid for by the Department. I stay in college, get my BA this summer, get a job, pay taxes, and serve the community. The alternative is that I drain the State's disability resources, drain the limited health care services I have, go off my meds, go totally berserk, wind up in a psych ward, sap the joy out of the mental health care workers' lives with my tales of secret assassins posing as fellow mental patients, get out, and contribute nothing to society.

Here are things I abide by in order to continue with services:

I take the courses that lead to a degree in an accredited field.

I pass all my courses without having to repeat any courses.

I adhere to all the laws of the federal government (even if this means I can no longer smoke my happy grass).

I agree to all the laws of the State, and also of the State University (i.e. no cheating).

I do not stop treatment for my condition of schizo-affective disorder.

Anyways, just wanted to stop by and tell you kind folks out there that your tax payer money is not going to waste. I am working my ass off in college. Soon, I will be employed and paying for freeway renovations and even paying a dime or so out of each paycheck to get somebody else like me through college. :)

Finals Week on Campus or why I'm Glad I'm on anti-anxiety meds

It's that dreaded time. Students crowd and push inside the campus library, searching for a seat to hunch over their textbooks and cram. They all sit like sardines in a can, sipping on coffee, leafing through notes, and praying to the higher power that their professors will go easy on them.

I am one of them. Luckily, I am on anti-anxiety medication, which makes this time slightly more tolerable. I take anti-anxiety pills for my schizo-affective disorder and the residual stress it causes, but it does come in handy during finals week.

Study Group always cracks me up. It is the soothing ritual of the student. The cult of studiousness. "Join us for Study Group," says the student with the dazed, overwhelmed look in her eyes and a monotone voice. I imagine them all sitting around tables, pounding out answers to study guides and chanting little mantras of "We're gonna pass, we're gonna pass, we're gonna ace this final!" They remind me of academic cult members. They come to bring you into the fold of Study Group from 2 pm to midnight. They read the ancient script of a long-dead academic doctorate. Then suddenly, in the middle of question 9, they suddenly become very lost in the topic of the new Bourne Identity movie coming out in the summer. Then back to question 9.

I will miss this. This is my last month of college as an undergraduate. I have a couple of summer classes but once they end at the start of June, I am free. Free until August when I will (hopefully) be fully admitted to the graduate program.

So far, things are going according to my master plan. I got a high B on a term paper for a tough class that half a dozen students are failing (and those are just the ones who told me about their F's). I am a little concerned about my Chinese language class. I need a B for my linguistics major, but I might have lost my high B grade after a horrible exam score. Other than that, I'm doing well.

Anyways, just an update. Thanks for reading! Wish me luck! My last final is in one hour! I should've been writing study guide questions but I wrote this instead! ;) winky face.

Celebrating May as Mental Health Month on Campus

From 10:00 am to 1:40 pm I sat at a little white table in the free speech area of my University to celebrate "May is Mental Health Awareness Month."

I used the following to raise awareness:

~Fliers from www.mentalhealthamerica.net

~A brochure I made myself using campus computers with Microsoft Publisher installed. The brochure highlighted a part of the Americans With Disabilities Act and its impact on those with a mental illness who are attending a federally funded post-secondary school. It also listed good memoirs to read which were written by people with a mental health disorder. I threw in a trivia question about Pulitzer Prize Winner/paranoid schizophrenic/A Beautiful Mind inspiration John Nash for fun, as he is my hero.

~4 books from my personal library:

    "Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide," by Kay Redfield Jamison.
    "Wasted," by Marya Hornbacher.
    "An Unquiet Mind," by Kay Redfield Jamison
    "The Collected Artwork of Martin Ramirez," with drawings by Martin Ramirez.
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Number of people who came up to ask me what I was doing:    2

Number of people who passed by the booth without asking:      100+

Number of friends who stopped by to find out why I ditched class today:   6

All in all I would say that those 2 people who came up to me without knowing me made the day worth it. :)

If you would like to hold a booth at your campus, I would suggest the following:

1)  get in touch with services for students with disabilities office and work the plan out with them (I did and they sponsored me and paid for the booth).
2)  bring peppermints or something to hand out to people. I wish I had had the money to buy peppermints.
3) do not get a table next to a for-profit company that plays dubstep for 4 hours straight and dances around enticing people to look at them and not at the lonely, non-profit, mental health information booth. I like dubstep, but four hours was too long.
4) get in touch with your local NAMI at least two months in advance. My local NAMI chapter did not respond to my emails (I sent two emails), but that is probably because they are preparing for NAMI walks, so I am not hurt.
5) bring a lot of visual aids and always, always, smile!

Thanks for reading and happy may is mental health awareness month!