Thursday, March 8, 2012

Grad School: to go or not to go

I have been approved to graduate from my University despite being 2 upper-division classes shy of the requirements. The academic counselor suggested I walk in May for my Bachelor's degree ceremony and then take two 100-series classes this summer to earn my diploma before Fall 2012.

By June 15th, I will have earned my BA in linguistics (barring a sudden, unexpected catastrophe) and I will then be faced with the obscure future of post-graduate existence. While I still have 2 and a half months to go, I must decide whether to apply for graduate school right away. I am planning on requesting a letter of recommendation from my professor and I need to give him time to procrastinate on writing it for me, as the deadline is in April.

I am reading a book called "The Graduate Grind" by Hinchey and Kimmel. This book looks critically at the culture and customs of the graduate education system. Essentially, the book points out the flaws of the institution, citing the University's habits of forcing conformist attitudes into their students. Add to this the stigmatization of students who are considered "others" (i.e. minorities, females, gays/lesbians, working class students). The System is a giant mouth with shark teeth that chews up Others. I am an Other. Mentally disabled, female, minority, bisexual, and working class. If I am indeed accepted into this program, I am already expecting a backlash against me. While I am passionate about the subject I am no idiot when it comes to subtle forms of discrimination or sabotage, and I have already been mistreated by faculty as an undergraduate (falsely accused of cheating by one professor and given a 0 grade on an assignment I turned in a total of 3 times by another professor, requiring me to inundate him with emails during his sabbatical with email evidence that he had received my work, thus forcing him to change my grade by an entire letter grade).
While I was a pothead, the worst case scenario was that I could get stabbed or shot or arrested during my attempts to acquire marijuana. Now that I am sober and a dutiful student, I find that Academia is another type of jungle; one where I could be failed, expelled, sabotaged, or psychologically attacked by people who believe themselves to be my intellectual superiors. I honestly can't tell you which lifestyle was worse.

I have every intention of groveling at the feet of my professor for the sacred letter of recommendation. Not because I want to partake in this culture of back-stabbing, superiority-complex driven, conformist crap, but because suffering this will lead me to my goal of teaching language or developing new strategies for language acquisition. I want to create, and apparently this requires a little certificate stating I threw my chips in and gambled with my time and money, but so it goes (as Kurt Vonnegut Jr. wrote).

Besides, as a mentally ill person living in society that abhors a schizophrenic, I am quite used to faking civility, friendliness, and conformity to others around me. This will be just another 2 years of lying, deception, and method acting. The only difference is, I won't be alone, as I hear the faculty is equally versed in subterfuge.

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