Graduate school is a new experience for me. It requires stamina, endurance, mental prowess, and a lot of caffeine.
I have decided I prefer to call myself bipolar with psychotic features rather than schizo-affective. Why? Because, for the last two years, I have not had schizophrenic symptoms. I have had slight manic and depressive episodes. That is more how I would characterize myself, as a bipolar person who risks becoming schizophrenic if I go without sleep for more than two days. Unfortunately, it is really common that I do not sleep for extended periods once my mania sets in. However, I have been free of schizophrenic symptoms for the last two to three years. My bipolarity, on the other hand, seems to come more frequently.
For example, any time I miss a dose of Zoloft I feel sad, hopeless, and like my efforts in academia are futile. Of course, once the doctor pumps me full of refills, this tends to go away rather quickly (as in, within two hours!). Sometimes, if I drink too much coffee followed by energy drinks and diet Cokes, I can become too extroverted. It is not just the caffeine, it is how my brain chemistry responds to caffeine. I can effuse over my peers, insisting that they are magnificent people who can change the world. If that sounds really nice, well, you've never seen me manic. I just cannot shut up! I hear myself talking on and on, sometimes jumping from topic to topic, but I cannot make my mouth shut. I fear how I must come across.
Well, hopefully, I can keep my mouth shut and my eyes on the term papers. :)
I have decided I prefer to call myself bipolar with psychotic features rather than schizo-affective. Why? Because, for the last two years, I have not had schizophrenic symptoms. I have had slight manic and depressive episodes. That is more how I would characterize myself, as a bipolar person who risks becoming schizophrenic if I go without sleep for more than two days. Unfortunately, it is really common that I do not sleep for extended periods once my mania sets in. However, I have been free of schizophrenic symptoms for the last two to three years. My bipolarity, on the other hand, seems to come more frequently.
For example, any time I miss a dose of Zoloft I feel sad, hopeless, and like my efforts in academia are futile. Of course, once the doctor pumps me full of refills, this tends to go away rather quickly (as in, within two hours!). Sometimes, if I drink too much coffee followed by energy drinks and diet Cokes, I can become too extroverted. It is not just the caffeine, it is how my brain chemistry responds to caffeine. I can effuse over my peers, insisting that they are magnificent people who can change the world. If that sounds really nice, well, you've never seen me manic. I just cannot shut up! I hear myself talking on and on, sometimes jumping from topic to topic, but I cannot make my mouth shut. I fear how I must come across.
Well, hopefully, I can keep my mouth shut and my eyes on the term papers. :)
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