Stress=light mania

I keep waking up at three in the morning. I wake up alert, refreshed, and unable to go back to sleep. It might be the end of the semester or my natural bipolar cycles. Whatever it is, I have been more productive because I am awake for longer periods of time and I use this time to work on my graduate term papers or to exercise. This productivity is both a good thing and a sign of bad things to come. Increased productivity and less sleep is an early warning sign of impending mania. I must make sure to get at least 6.5 hours of sleep, as opposed to the 4 hours I got tonight. The normal sleep period is 8 hours, but that is unusual for any full-time graduate student, let alone a bipolar graduate student.

While I was up I watched a documentary about Bellevue psychiatric hospital. I found it to be totally triggering. It reminded me too much of my own experiences and the sight of a woman being strapped to a gurney was especially hard for me. Oh, the injustice of my misunderstood existence....but enough whining.

I often worry about how I come across to others. Do I seem bizarre and freakish? Do I stand out? Do people hate the sight of me? Do I come across as weird, troubled, bossy, eerie? I will never know for sure. The only thing I can do is to monitor my behavior, obey social etiquette, and smile.

Anyways, back to working on my term papers.