I have been in a depressive state since the end of spring break back in March.
When I get depressed I sleep excessively. I have been known to sleep for 10-12 hours when I am depressed. It's not exactly laziness. I just cannot get out of bed. I feel fatigue, lethargy, and emotionally exhausted when I do roll out of bed. I often wake up at 6 in the morning, make an effort to brew some coffee, but I somehow find my way back under the covers of my bed. I then black out until around 10 or 11 am. It is ridiculous.
I am taking a mood stabilizer twice a day and 200 mg of Zoloft once a day. I have been on that dose of Zoloft for about 4 years now. I think my brain has built up a tolerance to that drug and it now barely makes a dent. Still, if I were to suddenly go off of it, I would go into a depressive withdrawal. People generally don't think that anti-depressants can cause withdrawal, but it does. The withdrawal isn't as bad as barbiturates or hard-core drugs, but there are major mood disruptions caused when you go off of anti-depressants.
Right now, I am restless and feeling low and pretty crummy. I tend to escape into cyber-space and miss class when I go into severe depression. I have been managing to to make it to class lately but I am so behind in my programming class I intentionally skipped the lab class because I fear being scolded by my professor (she would totally tell me I don't understand the data structure chapter because I haven't come to class). When I am in a depressive state I get really sensitive about comments and body language. I always feel like I am not doing good enough, that I am a failure, that people think I'm wasting their time.
I have to enact my WRAP plan. That is short for "wellness recovery action plan," which was invented by mental health counselors to get patients from relapsing into severe mental illness. Basically, it's a booklet you create outlining warning signs that indicate you are going into a period of mental illness. Accompanying this list is a set of actions and thoughts that help you re-ground yourself so you don't go into a downward spiral. I have a WRAP plan for mania and paranoia but I totally neglected to make one for depression.
I will give you an example of my WRAP plan for mania
> I get insomnia when I feel manic // --> Go to bed even earlier and just lie there instead of surfing the web until I feel sleepy.
> I start thinking that people know I'm nuts // --> Remember that the constitution protects me from discrimination based on mental disability. Write a list of arguments for and against proof that people know I'm nuts.
> I can't concentrate to do my homework // ---> go to the library, get a private study room where there is no noise and distractions, and work for as long as I can. Leave. Walk around for an hour. Come back, study.
This works pretty well for me. I cannot believe I forgot to make one for depression! I think I will do that today. Then off to the library to lock myself in a room to study programming.
I feel sad. Today is 4/20. That is national marijuana day (not a federally sanctioned holiday, but still). I cannot smoke marijuana because I am broke and also because I live with family who do not allow marijuana in their house. I have been clean 90% of the time for at least 3 years. I tend to go back to smoking pot every summer for a month or so, but I really feel that pot would be beneficial to my major depression right now. Yes, you can disagree with me. You have the right to think that pot should be illegal (it's not in California due to majority vote, but federally it's a shady area), but I have the right to disagree and yearn for the plant.
Sigh**
When I get depressed I sleep excessively. I have been known to sleep for 10-12 hours when I am depressed. It's not exactly laziness. I just cannot get out of bed. I feel fatigue, lethargy, and emotionally exhausted when I do roll out of bed. I often wake up at 6 in the morning, make an effort to brew some coffee, but I somehow find my way back under the covers of my bed. I then black out until around 10 or 11 am. It is ridiculous.
I am taking a mood stabilizer twice a day and 200 mg of Zoloft once a day. I have been on that dose of Zoloft for about 4 years now. I think my brain has built up a tolerance to that drug and it now barely makes a dent. Still, if I were to suddenly go off of it, I would go into a depressive withdrawal. People generally don't think that anti-depressants can cause withdrawal, but it does. The withdrawal isn't as bad as barbiturates or hard-core drugs, but there are major mood disruptions caused when you go off of anti-depressants.
Right now, I am restless and feeling low and pretty crummy. I tend to escape into cyber-space and miss class when I go into severe depression. I have been managing to to make it to class lately but I am so behind in my programming class I intentionally skipped the lab class because I fear being scolded by my professor (she would totally tell me I don't understand the data structure chapter because I haven't come to class). When I am in a depressive state I get really sensitive about comments and body language. I always feel like I am not doing good enough, that I am a failure, that people think I'm wasting their time.
I have to enact my WRAP plan. That is short for "wellness recovery action plan," which was invented by mental health counselors to get patients from relapsing into severe mental illness. Basically, it's a booklet you create outlining warning signs that indicate you are going into a period of mental illness. Accompanying this list is a set of actions and thoughts that help you re-ground yourself so you don't go into a downward spiral. I have a WRAP plan for mania and paranoia but I totally neglected to make one for depression.
I will give you an example of my WRAP plan for mania
> I get insomnia when I feel manic // --> Go to bed even earlier and just lie there instead of surfing the web until I feel sleepy.
> I start thinking that people know I'm nuts // --> Remember that the constitution protects me from discrimination based on mental disability. Write a list of arguments for and against proof that people know I'm nuts.
> I can't concentrate to do my homework // ---> go to the library, get a private study room where there is no noise and distractions, and work for as long as I can. Leave. Walk around for an hour. Come back, study.
This works pretty well for me. I cannot believe I forgot to make one for depression! I think I will do that today. Then off to the library to lock myself in a room to study programming.
I feel sad. Today is 4/20. That is national marijuana day (not a federally sanctioned holiday, but still). I cannot smoke marijuana because I am broke and also because I live with family who do not allow marijuana in their house. I have been clean 90% of the time for at least 3 years. I tend to go back to smoking pot every summer for a month or so, but I really feel that pot would be beneficial to my major depression right now. Yes, you can disagree with me. You have the right to think that pot should be illegal (it's not in California due to majority vote, but federally it's a shady area), but I have the right to disagree and yearn for the plant.
Sigh**
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