Among other things, such as being a schizo-affective and overweight, I'm also a compulsive shopper. I gave up smoking marijuana not just because it was a cop-out from dealing with my issues, but also because quitting pot freed up my small income. I soon replaced my marijuana habit with a shopping habit.
Since the time that I quit marijuana my weekly visits to the corner thrift store became daily visits. My internet use patterns became more and more focused on amazon dot com and ebay, and my wishlist ballooned. The UPS driver became friendly to the point of joshing with me about my shopping habits every time he delivered another package from my online shopping sprees. I went through 2 thousand dollars from June until right now, leaving me with a pittance of 14 dollars in the bank, and no income until I get my next University grant. What did I buy for 2 thousand dollars? Here are some examples from my latest shopping spree:
~ a new windows 7 all-in-one desktop computer. Question: Did I really need it, having purchased a mac laptop last semester, with 200 GB still free? The answer was yes, because it came with a free XBOX 360. Have I played Dead Space 2 yet? Not once.
~ a rowing machine for 140 dollars. This purchase I can justify in that I need to lose weight and yes, I am actually using it at least 3 times a week for more than 15 minutes per session.
~ 300 dollars of bras. Question: Do I need more than 4 bras? Probably not. Question: Do they even fit? Nope, the cup size is too small.
~ 50-100 dollars worth of music. Question: Why do I need music? Yes, it's therapeutic, but I could just have bought some art supplies for the same amount that would have entertained me for longer. At least I'm not supporting piracy, though.
~ IPOD classic. I don't want to say how many GB's it holds, as you would question as to whether or not I needed to buy such a large storage amount. Question: what's wrong with a simple MP3? Nothing, I just got envious of people with IPOD's.
~ a cell phone: this I actually needed. Perhaps I didn't need to pay for 3 months of unlimited texting up front. Too late.
~ a pair of lace up boots and a pair of DKNY ballet-style shoes. Question: have I worn them out in public? Yes, I wore my DKNY shoes to school but had to walk home bare foot because they were so uncomfortable they left cuts on my feet. Since then I tossed them out (price: 50-60 bucks). Boots: Never worn them, maybe in December.
Those are the main, most expensive items I bought, not including the myriad of small purchases, sprees at the thrift store, and random book buying sprees.
I regret spending all my money because now I can't rent a movie or buy a haircut. I also regret not buying my mother and grandmother a little something, aside from purchasing their birthday cakes, and small presents. I feel selfish and guilty. The look on my mother's face when she walked into my room and saw the pile of packages waiting to be opened was enough to make me feel shame instantly. I could have donated to charity! Or saved up for rent money so I could go to grad school outside of my hometown! I was thinking these things and yet I couldn't stop clicking the little button on amazon, that little "buy with one click" button. It's like having a materialistic addiction.
The funny thing is, I'm not particularly materialistic. I've never had money to spend, I've always worked minimum wage jobs or gone to school with limited financial aid assistance. I even worked 2 minimum wage jobs to pay for a year of study at the community college after my financial aid money was capped at the community college.
What happened? Stressors, new environment, sudden expectations by professors and family, deaths in the family, break-ups, old debts sending me new bills, loneliness, insecurity, loss of friends, pressure to be tidy, quiet, and a good girl at home, and homework deadlines.
I have another lump sum coming in September and I'm nervous about it. On the one hand, I'd like a music creation software program so I can make my own music, a hobby that soothes me and carried me through hard times, on the other hand, I need to save my money for grad school.
Ah, challenges.
Since the time that I quit marijuana my weekly visits to the corner thrift store became daily visits. My internet use patterns became more and more focused on amazon dot com and ebay, and my wishlist ballooned. The UPS driver became friendly to the point of joshing with me about my shopping habits every time he delivered another package from my online shopping sprees. I went through 2 thousand dollars from June until right now, leaving me with a pittance of 14 dollars in the bank, and no income until I get my next University grant. What did I buy for 2 thousand dollars? Here are some examples from my latest shopping spree:
~ a new windows 7 all-in-one desktop computer. Question: Did I really need it, having purchased a mac laptop last semester, with 200 GB still free? The answer was yes, because it came with a free XBOX 360. Have I played Dead Space 2 yet? Not once.
~ a rowing machine for 140 dollars. This purchase I can justify in that I need to lose weight and yes, I am actually using it at least 3 times a week for more than 15 minutes per session.
~ 300 dollars of bras. Question: Do I need more than 4 bras? Probably not. Question: Do they even fit? Nope, the cup size is too small.
~ 50-100 dollars worth of music. Question: Why do I need music? Yes, it's therapeutic, but I could just have bought some art supplies for the same amount that would have entertained me for longer. At least I'm not supporting piracy, though.
~ IPOD classic. I don't want to say how many GB's it holds, as you would question as to whether or not I needed to buy such a large storage amount. Question: what's wrong with a simple MP3? Nothing, I just got envious of people with IPOD's.
~ a cell phone: this I actually needed. Perhaps I didn't need to pay for 3 months of unlimited texting up front. Too late.
~ a pair of lace up boots and a pair of DKNY ballet-style shoes. Question: have I worn them out in public? Yes, I wore my DKNY shoes to school but had to walk home bare foot because they were so uncomfortable they left cuts on my feet. Since then I tossed them out (price: 50-60 bucks). Boots: Never worn them, maybe in December.
Those are the main, most expensive items I bought, not including the myriad of small purchases, sprees at the thrift store, and random book buying sprees.
I regret spending all my money because now I can't rent a movie or buy a haircut. I also regret not buying my mother and grandmother a little something, aside from purchasing their birthday cakes, and small presents. I feel selfish and guilty. The look on my mother's face when she walked into my room and saw the pile of packages waiting to be opened was enough to make me feel shame instantly. I could have donated to charity! Or saved up for rent money so I could go to grad school outside of my hometown! I was thinking these things and yet I couldn't stop clicking the little button on amazon, that little "buy with one click" button. It's like having a materialistic addiction.
The funny thing is, I'm not particularly materialistic. I've never had money to spend, I've always worked minimum wage jobs or gone to school with limited financial aid assistance. I even worked 2 minimum wage jobs to pay for a year of study at the community college after my financial aid money was capped at the community college.
What happened? Stressors, new environment, sudden expectations by professors and family, deaths in the family, break-ups, old debts sending me new bills, loneliness, insecurity, loss of friends, pressure to be tidy, quiet, and a good girl at home, and homework deadlines.
I have another lump sum coming in September and I'm nervous about it. On the one hand, I'd like a music creation software program so I can make my own music, a hobby that soothes me and carried me through hard times, on the other hand, I need to save my money for grad school.
Ah, challenges.
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