Being a paranoid schizo-affective can be cumbersome. I once spent 6 months off the grid. By this I mean, no bank account, no mail delivered to the address I resided at, no job, no income, no internet, no car, nothing. The only thing I had in my name was a Hollywood Video account. I spent my days watching movies curled up on the floor of a relative's house. I barely stepped outside. I had no friends. My sleep cycle had reversed itself due to mania so that I slept during the day and was awake from around 7 pm to 4 am.
I am better now, on medication, sleeping regular hours. I am back on the grid. From time to time I have phobias about being back on the grid. I fear having my identity released with all my private information. I fear having my clean record hacked into and/or being framed for crimes I did not commit. I fear being cyber-stalked or real life stalked (I recently had to block a former abusive person from sending me sexual and psychological harassing messages via my facebook account, so this is not me being uber paranoid).
Being part of normal society freaks me out. I really do not understand how people can do this. It is a very vulnerable thing to be: on the grid. In case you are reading this and wondering why I suddenly got very paranoid, it is just part of my cycling. I deal with it through therapy, writing, even blogging. I question my paranoid thoughts. I discuss my paranoid thoughts with trusted relatives and mental health professionals. I steer clear of former associations with shady people.
I am in the healing process still and this means I am will occasionally be a little hyper paranoid from time to time. Most of my skitzy brethren do not even go on the internet for fear that their every move is monitored by shady persons. This is a genuine moment, though, on what it can be like to be a paranoid schizophrenic.
If you excuse me, I have to go call for a refill for my meds. Haha, guess I did not need to tell you that, as my paranoia makes it pretty evident that I ran out this weekend. Darn pharmacy should really be open on the weekends!
Thanks for reading! I promise to write less paranoid gibberish next time! :) Smiley face.
I am better now, on medication, sleeping regular hours. I am back on the grid. From time to time I have phobias about being back on the grid. I fear having my identity released with all my private information. I fear having my clean record hacked into and/or being framed for crimes I did not commit. I fear being cyber-stalked or real life stalked (I recently had to block a former abusive person from sending me sexual and psychological harassing messages via my facebook account, so this is not me being uber paranoid).
Being part of normal society freaks me out. I really do not understand how people can do this. It is a very vulnerable thing to be: on the grid. In case you are reading this and wondering why I suddenly got very paranoid, it is just part of my cycling. I deal with it through therapy, writing, even blogging. I question my paranoid thoughts. I discuss my paranoid thoughts with trusted relatives and mental health professionals. I steer clear of former associations with shady people.
I am in the healing process still and this means I am will occasionally be a little hyper paranoid from time to time. Most of my skitzy brethren do not even go on the internet for fear that their every move is monitored by shady persons. This is a genuine moment, though, on what it can be like to be a paranoid schizophrenic.
If you excuse me, I have to go call for a refill for my meds. Haha, guess I did not need to tell you that, as my paranoia makes it pretty evident that I ran out this weekend. Darn pharmacy should really be open on the weekends!
Thanks for reading! I promise to write less paranoid gibberish next time! :) Smiley face.
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