I have nothing to do except stress out about my weight. I am on academic probation for my Master's program and that makes my weight seem like the one part of my life that I can control---that is, IF I could control it.
After I work out for more than 40 minutes with my punching bag, I don't feel hungry. I feel weak and sleepy. The day after I work out, I tend to binge eat like I am having my last meal. It becomes a crushing hunger pang that won't leave me alone until I eat. What is worse, since I exercised to the point of exhaustion, I am sore and too weak to burn off the excess calories I inevitably binge eat the day afterwards.
Yesterday, I ate 600 calories until 4 pm, which is fine. However, around 5 pm, I became famished and panicked. I drove to a fast food joint and binge ate a medium sized combo meal for a whopping total of 1000 calories. Then, in the middle of the night, I woke up hungry and ate 5 small raw apricots. So much sugar and sodium! I really hate that the thought of grease and butter sends me into pleasurable conniptions.
Today, I have had 400 calories and it's nearly 2 pm. The thing is, 80 calories is in pure half and half creamer. Another 110 calories comes from the Red Bull Red Edition drink I had. I feel bloated and I am burping, despite eating 210 calories in actual food (80 calorie serving of Fiber One with small amount of 30 calorie Almond milk in the morning, a small serving of home-made lentil soup for lunch). I drink so much liquid that I get bloated and when I weight myself I weigh even more than I would expect based on my solid food intake. That makes me depressed....that makes me start thinking about french fries.
I am writing so that I can distract myself from the thought of cheap dollar nuggets at Wendys. I feel full, but I keep thinking about food. Grrr..Hopefully, I won't be so sore tonight and then I can exercise for 40 minutes and burn off some calories from the past two days...but then tomorrow how I will crave sugar and carbs!!
After I work out for more than 40 minutes with my punching bag, I don't feel hungry. I feel weak and sleepy. The day after I work out, I tend to binge eat like I am having my last meal. It becomes a crushing hunger pang that won't leave me alone until I eat. What is worse, since I exercised to the point of exhaustion, I am sore and too weak to burn off the excess calories I inevitably binge eat the day afterwards.
Yesterday, I ate 600 calories until 4 pm, which is fine. However, around 5 pm, I became famished and panicked. I drove to a fast food joint and binge ate a medium sized combo meal for a whopping total of 1000 calories. Then, in the middle of the night, I woke up hungry and ate 5 small raw apricots. So much sugar and sodium! I really hate that the thought of grease and butter sends me into pleasurable conniptions.
Today, I have had 400 calories and it's nearly 2 pm. The thing is, 80 calories is in pure half and half creamer. Another 110 calories comes from the Red Bull Red Edition drink I had. I feel bloated and I am burping, despite eating 210 calories in actual food (80 calorie serving of Fiber One with small amount of 30 calorie Almond milk in the morning, a small serving of home-made lentil soup for lunch). I drink so much liquid that I get bloated and when I weight myself I weigh even more than I would expect based on my solid food intake. That makes me depressed....that makes me start thinking about french fries.
I am writing so that I can distract myself from the thought of cheap dollar nuggets at Wendys. I feel full, but I keep thinking about food. Grrr..Hopefully, I won't be so sore tonight and then I can exercise for 40 minutes and burn off some calories from the past two days...but then tomorrow how I will crave sugar and carbs!!
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