Dear public online diary,
today I became very nervous about my interaction with an acquaintance of mine. I met him about a year ago and we got along easily. Over the course of that year we would stop and greet each other, exchange niceties, and part on good terms. Now, I feel insecure after sending him two emails. The first email was to greet him and ask him how he was. The second email was a reply to his reply, along with some follow up questions about something. He replied to this, but I started to think he was just being nice and that I was annoying him.
He gave no indication of being annoyed, but I feel like he must be wondering why I am contacting him. To be honest, I am lonely, bored, and attracted to him. I tend to seek out the company of males whenever I have free time. I respect him and I find him intelligent and attractive. I don't want to make him irritated with me. I also don't want to drop all communication with him. Still, I get paranoid, and whenever I get hypersensitive about social skills I back off until that person seeks me out.
I can never tell when someone is secretly wishing I would leave them alone. Sometimes, I bluntly tell them that I can never tell when I am being annoying and to just let me know when they want to stop chatting. I find that that only works half the time because the really kind people don't want you to know that you are annoying them. Ah, dilemma.
So, for now, I must be content to desire this man from afar. I hate rejection. I also hate being annoying. I also hate being lonely. Life, meh.
today I became very nervous about my interaction with an acquaintance of mine. I met him about a year ago and we got along easily. Over the course of that year we would stop and greet each other, exchange niceties, and part on good terms. Now, I feel insecure after sending him two emails. The first email was to greet him and ask him how he was. The second email was a reply to his reply, along with some follow up questions about something. He replied to this, but I started to think he was just being nice and that I was annoying him.
He gave no indication of being annoyed, but I feel like he must be wondering why I am contacting him. To be honest, I am lonely, bored, and attracted to him. I tend to seek out the company of males whenever I have free time. I respect him and I find him intelligent and attractive. I don't want to make him irritated with me. I also don't want to drop all communication with him. Still, I get paranoid, and whenever I get hypersensitive about social skills I back off until that person seeks me out.
I can never tell when someone is secretly wishing I would leave them alone. Sometimes, I bluntly tell them that I can never tell when I am being annoying and to just let me know when they want to stop chatting. I find that that only works half the time because the really kind people don't want you to know that you are annoying them. Ah, dilemma.
So, for now, I must be content to desire this man from afar. I hate rejection. I also hate being annoying. I also hate being lonely. Life, meh.
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